I Almost Got Away With It

The year was 2005, junior year of High School. It was when I first started to experiment with the sales of narcotics. I was young, dumb and determined. My mother would give me everything she could but my appetite for material things started to grow the more and more I got into the crowd. I wanted the expensive designer jeans, new sneakers before they hit stores, and I also wanted to live a certain lifestyle of having my own. Naive to the fact that I was young and there was only so much of independence one could perceive.

My mother use to give me an allowance a day. She taught me, "A man never leaves his house without money in his pocket." And that's exactly what I did. A friend of mine who lived right down the street sold marijuana. He always would tell me that he could get me started only when i had enough money. So i began to save the money my mother would give me and got my first half an ounce of haze. I started to move it around in school and my some of my friends would connect me to their friends. So on and so forth.

Story Time With The Boys

This one night hanging out with my friends we started up a conversation about some bad sexual experiences we had. I spoke about this one time in high school when i went to a party and picked up a girl.
It was a house party, a good one at that. The house was packed and they were playing reggaeton all night.  There was this one girl that kept eye'ing me the whole time. One of my friends pushed me towards her and from that instance we started dancing. I don't know if you guys remember high school house party but it would have taken a truck to move me from how raunchy we were dancing. I swear to you the dye of my jeans have to be imprinted till this day on that wall. She turns around puts one leg up and we were basically dry humping. She got real close to my neck, i could feel her sweating.
She then whispered in my ear "Let's get out of here."
Its not like i was living alone, i was a senior in high school, i lived with my grandparents. But i didn't care who i was living with i was going to take this home and then take this down.
And then it happened.

Asshole Chronicles: The E-Break-Up

Asshole Move #23: Sending an e-mail to break up

Cleaning out my e-mail account i ran into something i forgot i even wrote. A copy of a break up letter that i had sent to a girl that i was going out with senior year of high school. The worse part is not even that i sent her an email breaking up with her but it was a t-mail, from my sidekick.

I met her through one of my friends that i had 3rd to 4th period math class with. She was a live wire, i mean she really kept me on my toes. I'll never forget that first night we spoke on the phone she was actually having an argument with her ex.
"Hold on, my ex is on the other line bothering me." is what she would tell me. I thought it was crazy but it excited me. The first time speaking to her and she was already opening up to me, telling me about her past relationships and experiences with men. Her strategy was to be completely honest with me and in return i was going to do the same.

A Dying Love

I’ve been with her for two and half years now. That’s along time; I would have never thought I would be tied down for that long. I must admit, I have done my share of dirt but I can’t ever leave her. To tell you the truth, those girls never meant anything to me and till this day I can't tell you why. We are fools to think that what is done to others' can't happen to us. Why is it that some men cherish women and give them the respect in which they deserve and yet get their heart broken. While there are other men who treat women with disgust and still able to find the "right ones". All i have to say is karma is a bitch and she waits for no one. And when it's to late we all want to cry or regret. Here’s how the story goes…

            Las Vegas, Nevada, I was there with a "lady friend" I had met on business. Thought maybe I should relax and have fun. I had told my girlfriend that I was going out of town to meet up with some business partners, which is true. I just happen to have done a little something different there.  But it was bothering me, for the simple fact I was doing something I could have done with her and not some random woman. She was nobody to me, especially for me to treat her so well. My conscious weighted heavy so I decided to go back early and surprise her, but before anything I had to get something to take back to her. It wouldn't make up for all the lying and mischief but it was a true token of my love.

             On the plane home I felt like I was meeting her again for the first time because I had butterflies in my stomach. Or maybe it was cause of the plane food. Either way I couldn’t wait to go back. I’ll never forget the day I first met her…

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            It was a cool summer night; I was just hanging out with Supreme and Stacks. We were outside in front of Stacks' building. When I saw her walking down the street towards us. She had long legs, Indian skin complexion with long dark hair and big breast. I’m not the one to yell out or draw attention, but something told me that I had to catch her eye. Very hesitant, the only words that came out my mouth were “Hey! You dropped something!”

Blunts and Wheelchairs

This one night at home alone I decided to call up my delivery man and get a "twenty sack" of some fine grade marijuana, Sour Diesel. Sat right in front of my big screen tv grabbed my Playboy magazine with Linsdy Lohan on the cover and crushed it. I had recently got these clear wrapping paper that I wanted to give a try. I bumped into them in a SoHo smoke shop one night after work actually looking for the Playboy Magazine in which I was crushing on.I had Wiz Khalifa's mixtape, Kush & O.J. on, just relaxing not really giving much care to the world.

Everyone has a little ritual or just something that they do constantly before or during their smoking session. For some odd reason I like to text or tweet when I smoke. I actually on purpose look for someone to text before I light up the blunt. That and I also love to listen to old 90's hip-hop music. I wouldn't even consider that a ritual now that I think about it, it just happens. A lot.

In the middle of this smoking session I get a call from my mother telling me they were cleaning out my great grandmother's apartment who recently died in December of 2011. They had this electric wheelchair which they were planning to sell but just didn't have anywhere to place it for the mean time. Guess who got stuck with an electric wheelchair in their house. So they brought it through and it sits in my living so everyone who comes over can ask and I would have to repetitively tell the story. But this one night I thought it would be funny since I was already high off that Sour Diesel to go downstairs in it and get my munchies. The mind of a mad man. On the way back up to my apartment I thought it would even be funnier to record myself. And here it goes!

Asshole Chronicles: Walk Away

I'll never forget the time that I pulled my first "asshole" move. I was 14 years old and i went on my first date. She was a Junior in High School and we met through my best friends sister, who introduced me to her. She was from a all girls catholic school, petite, short hair, delicate and well mannered. Did it help she was also a freak?
This girl had me talking some of the nasty stuff late night on the phone. She was the one who introduced me to "phone bone".

The El ExXx Pt. 1

I remember this one summer where I worked at a cell phone store. I thought it would be a easy and laid back part time job since I was so into gadgets and cell phones. But I was wrong, the customers at that location were ruthless. They would give me this ridiculous quota that i would have to meet at these outrageous deadlines. That didn't taint my spirit; i was able to make the most of it and meet a lot of interesting people. For example there was this old lady that would go and pay her granddaughters phone bill who was in Binghamton University. She would sit down with me and talk about how her granddaughters'  education is important, she paid for her phone bill because she knew that she will become a successful accountant.
That old lady one day came and brought me a Brugal straight from the Dominican Republic. Told me "I won't be able to enjoy it as much as you would." All she wanted was just someone to talk to.



It was a hot Sunday afternoon, me and two of my other co-workers were scheduled to work that day. The day dragged on and on with such hot weather. Being in a Cell Phone Store was not how i wanted to spend it but you have to do what you have to do. It wasn't till she walked in. Long legs, tall, bright red lipstick, matte black bob hair and thick, I wanted it. First thing that i thought was she is out of my league. I was gazed into her Paul Smith aviator sunglasses and i kept thinking what i would do to her if she would just let me put my lips on her.


SLAM!

I quickly snapped out of it when she tossed her broken pink Motorola Razr on top of that counter. "Excuse me. Hi. Fix this." she said with an attitude. I picked the device up which was clearly smashed with a cracked screen and scratches over the body.
Smiling i said "This is a cell phone store this phone here needs a church." She wasn't having it.
"I need this phone. My life is on this phone."
I try to calm her down because i could clearly see she was annoyed; a broken cell phone and this hot weather wasn't really helping much either. But i couldn't stop staring at her lips and cheek bones, she was built to stomp on a mans heart. I told her in my most smoothest voice "This cell phone store can't help you but I get off in an hour and i have this old phone and great condition that you can borrow."
Thats when she lifted me off my feet with that smile, she got closer to my face and said "Fix. My. Phone!"

As we looked around in the incasing we had in the store she saw nothing of her interest and she was getting more aggravated. She then out of a spurt just turned around and walked away. Just like that, without saying a word or even a notice. My co-workers and i looked at each other and just laughed. The hour was up and it was time to close shop, right after closing the store and saying my goodbyes to my co-workers, she approaches me from out of left field.
"Which is this phone that you can let me borrow?" she asked with a little girl voice.

The Boy Who Cried Colors

As a kid you don't really know how annoying you are until you are put in a situation were you are being punished for your annoyance. I can tell you this now growing up to be an only child you tend to get a couple of pay backs.


(as the screen gets blurry and i reminisce)